Messy Homestead

It's all about give and take, right? Today my boys are played with, taught, loved on their level. My house is an absolute mess (really it usually is, but it's at least sort of manageable most days). But these are the days I feel more fullfilled. I don't know why I have such a hard time with just letting go of having a perfectly clean house. Part of it is that messiness and clutter are overwhelming. But part of it is just my expectations on myself to be perfect.  Well I have let that go today. And I've been having a blast with my boys!

I've been learning and growing a lot about comfort. I feel the desire to remove myself from uncomfortable things. I recognize that this is who I am, but I want to grow and change. I want to learn how to embrace the excitement of life and to not fear hard things.  Example: we have been talking about having more children. I know that in my heart I would really like to have more. But having two children has been so difficult! Whenever something tough happens, like the kids getting sick, or me having an impatient day, I think, "I  really  want more children??" Another example: I am  tired.  I have been dealing with sick children for a week. A dear friend of mine asks me to a movie on Saturday and I tell her that I am interested, depending on how everyone is doing by Saturday. Saturday rolls around and I'm tired, but think if I can go to the cheap theater by our house, I could maybe be convinced to go. I check movies and times. My friend texts me to tell me what mo